The Web of Interests

Are relationships genuine, or have they been?

How to start answering this question? The word genuine means that there is no interest attached to the individual, but to be authentic and correct. To follow the natural law of decency towards self and another. So are relationships genuine at the point of not hiding any discomfort or unhappiness? Because this is what genuine is. Perhaps relationships are more invested in denying vital truths in order to keep the interest alive? Could be a common interest to deny facts? Maybe for some although is that genuine? No.

It feels like an endless cycle of positive expectation and then disappointment to me. As much as a person seem to be temporarily able to sustain a benevolent feeling, easily this fades out when it touches the psychological emptiness that they experience. Then it is the pain that comes first, and the need to operate first aid quick fix procedure. The times are not for first fast aid any longer. The current times ask for thorough procedure. One of deep investigation into the kernel of our knowings and existences.

People that have not attained the skills they need to go through, the fire of authenticity might feel devastating. This is though the natural course. Without eggs who can make scramble eggs? Perhaps imagining making it gives some a kind of deceptive pleasure, which can indicate that some got used to living in a world of fantasy.

Are relationships genuine?

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Equilibrium

The art of equilibrium requires a great amount of acceptance, including of what we don’t know, what we really desire and where our sources of inspiration come from. Without these 3 areas covered, I don’t believe that a person will feel satisfied in their present moment.

The present moment phenomenon requires a 360 degrees view. I have learnt this from many masters, but also it is something that I couldn’t run away from. The thirst for balance has always been constant in me. I did not ever want to blame anyone, for I understood that other variables played a part in individuals choices and decisions. Other variables were intrinsic to their own experience and tailored developmental milestones. As much as it is difficult to recognise, everyone deserves to feel good, safe and valued in their singular lives. No matter how much you have learnt or achieved. However, this is something that the unique person has to prioritise instead of giving that responsibility to another.

Some people can’t seem to attain a balance in life. In that case, they must remember the art of being humble and recognise that they can’t get it right all the time, and this will liberate them, as it liberates all.

We all need to learn to equilibrate in the ocean waves and about the mechanisms that already drive our boats. Otherwise, we are, and we have been, and unfortunately, for several, they still will be, creating unnecessary pain and obstacles.

My recommendation for today is that we remember humility. A soft terrain produces more fruits than a hard one. Stay well!

The Natural Order

“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities, an old script from the Bible.

No matter how many spins the planet does there will always be a few brave and lawful individuals that will not give up when facing a challenge. This to me reveals wisdom over ignorance, and love over hate.

Some individuals struggle to see that hate is a waste of their time. They simply don’t see this until something happens or someone informs them. I have recognized this in relatives for example and also in patients. The mind remains on default mode for many years, and the individual can attack others with derogatory words, unrealistic demands and even can get physical. Their pride is above their heads, and they anger touches the house celling. This is not just wrong morally, it is also against the natural order of our bio-psycho-social existence, and eventually people start noticing being short in breath or a lower immune system or lower self-esteem and self-confidence. It is necessary to remember that we are all one in the aspect of entitlement to live a free and joyful life, and that equally we have always been one. This is as applicable for yourself reading this, as it is for your next door neighbour, or your child.

I want to bring to your attention that existence is like a house that you purchase. You are living there by yourself, you got the key, and you know where the living room is, the electricity, the stove and the water. If you don’t maintain it tidy and clean, hazardous substances will grow almost from nowhere. You may hide something under the carpet, but your mind knows that it is still there. Keeping something hidden is impossible because your body will still assimilate the images, memories and effects of that in yourself and/or in others. It is also like a cloud in the sky that comes and goes, and will still come and go until you resolve it. This is what I understand by Natural Order. It is innate to all humans, species and components that create the cosmos. It is the pure desire. Furthermore, it speaks about natural harmony and transparency.

Trespassers

The times we face are interesting and strongly synchronised with the collective homeostasis, not just the earth, but with our physiology, ethics and morality.

Human beings have been trespassers because they can’t seem to be able to wait in the line but instead, they jump queues or stop to look or admire what other people are doing which results in them abandoning their magnificent singular growth temporarily. Like a traffic jam where traffic lights are not respected, and instead, the drivers go in front of each other causing delays and inconvenience, and sometimes they don’t carry the kindest intentions at heart. 

The examples of trespassing are:

  • To inflict unnecessary pain on others
  • To be dishonest in order to achieve recognition
  • To copy someone’s work and profit from it
  • To criticise people harshly and make them feel humiliated, etc…

I see that the current times are asking people to take a slower approach in life. How can we not do it? The benefits are numerous:

  • Better focus
  • Better memory
  • Better decision-making
  • Increase care and compassion
  • Increase creativity
  • Better union and laws
  • No jumping ahead, and instead analysis of singular present moment

We must honour what makes us so unique. We are intelligent corpora that have cognitive faculties that have been neglected. This, unfortunately, resulted in the violation of human rights throughout the many timelines and social epochs, and sadly still occurs. As we slow down and understand our bio-psycho-social existence, it is only likely that we can and will reap much higher long-term meaningful results.

The Structure of a Personality- What purpose it has?

A personality is a structure that corresponds to the emotional experiences lived by individuals, as well as their unique habits of thinking, how much they have allowed fear to build up and sustain their decision-making, and of hidden and repressed desires, or on the other hand, their ability to follow what they love and to prioritise self-love.

The purpose of a personality is to serve as a light tower that shows what details individuals should start discerning more in themselves, and so they can increase their self-awareness.
Without self-awareness, the world lives in the dark, and even in grotesque times. When it is dark, and a person needs to find something they are likely to stumble on objects, make mistakes, hurt themselves or even others unnecessarily.

This is in my view exactly how most of the population of our world proceeds, stumbling and hurting themselves and others because of their unattended solid personality structures.

Therapy, opening up, being modest and humble are possible helpful routes for recovery of the soul. What is the soul? It is the intact, unconditionally loving, and caring interest present in all; however, most of the time, like a shipwreck.

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Behave Like an Adult!

I know it may sound strange this title and rude; however it equally encourages us all to cherish our deliberation, ability to take a step back to think, to flow with our joy and to speak up! This statement is critical if you find yourself engulfed in family, social and professional or school expectations and demands. If you feel lonely and that no one is interested in what you have to say is because you also perceive your voice as being weaker. Recognise that us humans are susceptible to get carried away in people’s dramas because of the intensity of the moment. This is natural. Be kind and a responsible adult during that time, and get used to loving yourself, by taking time out and remembering to prioritise your rhetoric, logic and free will. In my view, no matter how old we are, we ought to esteem our personal existence, uniqueness and freedom to learn and to speak up.

Behave like an adult!

New Podcast!

Hi there, I would like to invite you to listen to my brand new podcast series entitled “Hard-Core Unconditional Self-Love and Biophysics Psychology. Access it on andreiasanto.com/podcast

I hope you enjoy it! Leave your comments and questions at the bottom of the podcast webpage.

Best wishes,

Dr Andreia Santo

Ethics and Mental Ilness

I am a believer that ethics as a concept is older than the concept of psychology or mental health. It is evident if you look back in history. Even in the ancient religious scripts, people have been asked to refrain their judgement, crime, and lies. So why are some humans compulsive liars, for example? I am not dismissing at all the genetic inclination for particular thinking patterns and actions; I actually embrace it wholeheartedly. It is important to recognise the vulnerabilities and weaknesses of the heart or mind, but something really different is when individuals hide it and minimise it.

Certain human beings prefer reading gossip magazines although they know that judgement is wrong and they dwell in the joy of either belittling themselves or others in their minds: “this person is fatter than me, I could be on the front page! For example. There is still quite a lot of this mentality but small education on it. In the meantime, young women and men with this predisposition start developing eating disorders or obsessive and compulsive habits. How many times have I worked with parents of children that were in constant denial of their emotional displacement. “We speak about everything in this house,” they say; however, they cannot bear to talk about their emotional wounds from the past, without a lot of necessity present and encouragement.

In my view, our world requires to have a stronger baseline of ethics before anything else, instead of being guided by lies of consumerism, power and fame. Immediate gratification is not to be neglected by doctors and services; it is to be tackled in conversations if we spot it and to be addressed in the now. The immediate gratification is the root of addiction, compulsion, obsession, depression and aggression. We must crystallise our personal ethics before we open any magazine or watch the news next time.

Credit Unknown

See Positively Through the Cracks

As much as I believe that it is important to learn from constant self-examination and facts-checking, I know that it is equally relevant to let go of hate and resentment. Why is this? Because if we remember that all individuals are learning to swim in the always-changing cultural ocean as they try to discover themselves, then we remember what unconditional love is. It is definitely long-term swimming to the unconditional existence. If we could forgive, we could evolve more, and our brains could work faster and deliberately. We would not need to worry about making the same mistakes anymore as we would see all the pitfalls under the sunlight.

Imagine that we would be the replica of God. How would we really be like as if we were it? or a benevolent source? Or a parent or relative of the entire humanity? We would very likely hope and expect that all children could recall love, and would also be able to adjust their approach in an unconditionally self-loving manner to allow more progress for all.

Credit: Unkown

Processing Speed

Processing speed is a faculty in the brain that requires to be exercised to operate comprehensively. Processing speed is the velocity at which a person takes in information, makes sense of it, and begins to answer. This information can be visual, like letters and numbers. It can also be auditory, like spoken language. Different people have different paces in processing information. Our communication depends on our ability to process information effectively, and to notice the subtleties of the relational exchange, which include the following:

A= Personal ability to notice effectively what people are expressing and a frank attitude to acknowledge what you understand or when you need to ask for clarification.

B= Personal ability to state the truth, without fear of persecution or oppression.

C= Personal ability to recognise how we feel in the moment, and commitment to universal rights.

Most arguments and conflicts happen due to a need to slow down the thinking to serve a better reflection and impartiality. The truth is always important for both parts, as it is essentially based in unconditional love. This powerful statement is beyond what we imagine currently, because it has the potential to support each individual in their emotional and mental calibration and self-awareness. This could be very protective for humanity.

Imagine a debate where people are only attacking each other with the things that they have failed upon, without punctuating how to make it better, as it is the debate of the American Presidential elections and a common practice of many politicians. This is an overreactive mentality, which aim does not seem to support the collective good for all, especially when the vice-presidents keep telling each other that they are lying, without explaining if they are or not and rushing to the next question instead. This can be felt as extremely confusing and deceptive, and it is! Assuming that “everyone knows it all” is the norm, which is unhealthy and detrimental to our mental health.

We must enquire deeper in the debate between 2 individuals, including on how they are achieving their reasoning and how they feel about it. Besides, we must demand facts as they are many vulnerable people with poor processing speed that are not prepared to think with complete self-care and attention to the important and truthful details. When there is anxiety in the mind while saying something, there will be space for error. Unfortunately, denial is also a problem because it is a common action and acceptable socially, which is again conceivably harmful.

Dear reader, let me ask you kindly. How dedicated are you in terms of taking responsibility for your own mental health? How much do you value it from zero to ten (none to a lot)? If you don’t value unconditional self-love and prioritise your well-being that much, it may indicate that your processing speed is rather slow in the matters of your own holistic self-care. I want to reassure you that it is possible to overcome this issue through specific researched interventions.

Please refer to my other articles and posts of my professional and personal Instagram for more openness on this subject, and feel free to approach me if you wish to book a session or have questions.