Author Archives: Dr Andreia Santo

About Dr Andreia Santo

Chartered Clinical and Counselling Psychologist HCPC Registered - based in Isle of Wight, UK I offered 1-1 sessions therapy in Isle of Wight and worldwide via Skype/Face-Time, phone and email.

Identity Loss

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What is an identity? An attempt to randomly establish better conditions with no logic? Does it need logic? I’ve realised that when there is more logic and down to earth intention, the better consistency it has. What do I mean by consistency? I think it means to be loyal to transparent and universal values.

Since a very young age, I have been eager to meet kind and strong people. I felt many times disappointed as the kind part would quickly vanish. Did this happen to you before?

The impact of a strong personality is generally speaking huge. I experienced it as being bold, secretive and artificially seductive . I almost got to think that there was more potential and happiness to such identities. Today I realise that there is more pain accumulated most of the time. After I re-analysed my values and stipulated what I believe to be necessary, soon I have become even angry with those that try to take advantage of others through glamour, despite the fact that I understand that there is unprocessed personal experiences. In addition, with this came a scientific understanding of our minds and intentions mechanisms which I found to be enhancing; of course, no point in crying over the past, mainly because there is only the present moment, and the more I can thoroughly enjoy it the better for me.

The loss of the “solid” identity is also correlated to NOT diligently embracing the truth, wisdom and fair treatment of others. How we treat others does impact our ability to sustain a positive well-being balance.

“Awakening”

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There is a trend called the awakening or ascension that has been inspiring many people to develop their connection with nature, love, God, and themselves too. For centuries many disciplines including religion, maths, science, journalism, theatre seem to have channelled the “desire for more”, the desire to transcend social limitations and understand them (the latest being less relevant in our consciousness, unfortunately). Is the desire perhaps the real meaning of spirituality? Is the desire in the end the driving force that keeps us alive, engaged, curious, and proactive?

Many people struggle to embrace their desires. They leave this to the end of their journey, even. Is floating with endurance the same thing as actively exploring and adventuring? I don’t believe it is. Endurance refers to a more passive stance, totally valid too, as at times we have to survive, or still keep processing quite a lot of experiences, and therefore we might not feel apt to do more. Does this make sense to you? When we do not find the strength to do more we should honour our efforts so far, understand the limitations in ourselves and others and stick to our own journey and personal rhythm. We will never find 2 individuals with the exact same pace, inclinations, life experiences, limitations, etc. Is this something to feel bad about or to accept? To accept and love without a doubt. Hence, the need to wake to loving your singular existence.

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3 Diamonds

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In my work, I make space for the correlation of important elements that are enhancing of a positive and truthful well-being. They are assertiveness, psychological homeostasis and evolution or learning.

Assertiveness speaks of trying to be kind and sincere with your yourself whilst you are being considerate and acting diligently with others around you too. This is highly important but also requires previous homework of exploration of who you are, your real intentions and your innate entitlements. Please read up my previous posts for more content on your innate entitlements.

Psychological homeostasis refers to the individual’s understanding of their own optimal developmental environment and needs. It invites you to take a step back and contemplate what are your real needs. What is a “need?” A need is related to the mechanisms of self-regulation that you might be lacking, in other words, the insight about how you can get easily stuck to a sentiment that there is something lacking in you, or in your life in general. Nothing really is lacking in a human being as we are equipped with all cognitive skills we require in order to reason, make decisions, communicate and survive properly. Why are people not communicating properly these days? A good question to reflect upon, I think.

Evolution or learning refers to the flexibility that is required in the singular ascension. A person needs to be open-minded, so they can overcome challenging times by seeking the truth in them. There are many people stubbornly just professing ideologies and using a loud voice or a passive-aggressive stance, which makes others that are more sensitive and shy, either avoid speaking up and fall behind in their introspection and happiness. Although, the point of this article is that YOU become self-sustainable and not shaken off so quickly by other people’s views of you, or the world around you.

Be aware that you do create your reality, your climate.

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Having a family nowadays

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Being a family in the current times is not an easy thing!

The difference in the pace of 30 years ago and today is enormous in many areas, including in terms of educational and financial expectations and also in terms of ability of the brain in processing information and readiness to learn.

Many aspects affected the slower pace of the old days, in comparison with the current digital era. Families were possible less able to discuss their emotions in open ways, as well as there was a more marked sense of authority regarding gender, status and social roles. Parents were the rule makers while children would listen and if they did not obey they could get badly punished with physical violence. I believe the new parents today have quite a lot of challenges ahead if they do not reflect well about their own experience. It is common that new parents wish to compensate for the lack of love their experienced, though this is not necessarily what they should do or what their children need. I have worked with many parents that have expressed intrinsic anxiety due to the lack of congruent and consistent care and communication demonstrated by their own parents. Some of these people, they also feel ashamed to openly embrace acknowledging this as being their truth. I had people telling me that they felt bad about criticizing their parents, who have given them the best they could. This is normal. However, one needs to analyse deeper and be authentic about circumstances they have experienced and what level of care they have received. Was this care reliable, kind, consistent, avoidant, rejecting, mixed? By contemplating the quality of your interactions during your childhood, you are not blaming anyone, you are only reflecting and improving your psychological well-being and future actions towards yourself and others. If you have been feeling anxious all your life and unsure, it is maybe because you have experienced an anxious or rejecting (or both) upbringing where your sense of self was not noticed or valued by your parents, and instead they made you feel inadequate or carrying many difficulties or aspects you needed to improve about yourself. This generally also means that they might have also felt this way about themselves. Another important aspect is that we need a solid base regarding all humans coming together and agree on the necessary values and principles that our collective communication requires. What would the pillars of enhancing communication be? They would of course include being open to state our real emotions and ideas, as well as not being afraid of saying no, or I am not sure, or that we care a lot about something. All human beings coming together to state the truth about how they actually feel like in all areas of their lives! Is this the new era? Is this the Promised Land? Would this ignite more scientific and creative thinking?

All that it takes is to care!

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A caring nature is the key and the portal of success, happiness, love, abundance and personal integration.

When individuals split their attention to accommodate stronger and harsher emotions such as anger, hate and resentment, they embark on a journey of dissociation from the whole equation. Imagine a neighbour of yours having gone through the split: How do you think they would behave? Would they feel frequently on edge? Perhaps suspicious and anxious around other people? The split of oneself genuine well-being to embrace fear and worry as the norm, if not understood leaves in individuals deep wounds and their personalities becomes identified with what they perceive and repeatedly suffer from. Of course, there will be situations when it is totally valid to experience fear, worry and dislike; though if this is left unnoticed, there lies the beginning of a possible issue.

I practice clinical psychology with the sentiment that all people have importance and that no one should be made to feel devalued. This principle is something new for many as the mainstream mentality and historical evolution have prioritized pleasing to others. For instance if we pay attention to the expectations related to meeting deadlines, or achieving particular status, financial ranks, family and religious status, we will see that these are some of the social constructs that can ignite in individuals a fight-flight-freeze answer. It is rather difficult to prevent it because it needs to be understood instead! In my sessions I work with my clients on supporting them to notice their emotions better and without any fear. This tends to be useful because it decreases the habit of skipping the noticing stage for quick, fruitless and not very sustainable resolutions. We all need to become fearless about self-analysis, in my view.

I believe that when individuals start making space to care about each other and understand from the other’s angle, whilst not suppressing their emotions, there will be a beautiful evolutionary momentum in the world. Would you agree?

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Quantic Maturation

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A human being can be represented in 5 parts: biophysics, cognitive functions, social consciousness, care, and innate self-discovery need. These elements constitute a quantic maturation matrix that supersedes the understanding and applicability of our mainstream medicine and scientific bio-psycho-social developmental milestones embraced by mental health services.

There are many aspects of the human nature that are not taken for granted or even examined with interest. Take the case of intuition, for example, which in my view is correlated to sensitivity. What is intuition if not the ability to lower all mind noise, or one could say background noise frequencies in order to listen to what really is universally morally correct? Intuition is also the result of previous investment in tuning to other people’s real emotions.

I believe that this quantic maturation evolution has started many millions of years ago, and we can tell that by the rigid thinking and behavioural patterns of certain individuals, and the freedom of others. Some people remain in the same cycles of hiding their feelings and being passive-aggressive or aggressive for far too long, without being proactive about changing that or needing to reflect on it. To me, this indicates that they have not matured their cognitive skills and other aspects enough. There are many examples of clingy to fear or in wanting to control others that perpetuate through time, while other more mature individuals, in other words, more caring and conscious individuals struggle, and know in their hearts that there is an abuse of human rights and power.

A person that dismisses their own pain and follow a trail of wanting to be seen as popular and perfect has an immature quantic profile, in my view, and what science has already expressed as neurological delay in cognitive functions. This is because the mind wants to go too fast and dismisses analysis and processing of information, such as the individual’s own real emotions and unique nuclear areas of improvement. It is important to generate more awareness regarding our neuropsychology development around the world and to slow down the pace of fast and thoughtless production. People that are less quantic mature deserve and require to be assessed psychologically and identified, as many others appear to struggle under these immature profiles with hiding behaviours, biased reactions and seductive toxic control. I guess this is already happening in a way when people speak up when faced with unfair and humiliating experiences.

Another aspect is that the mental health descriptors already invented need to be more recognized as a platform for informed and organized decisions in our lives, and the public should become more aware of the many psychological profiles already identified by many researchers as this can inform everyone’s decision-making regarding creating a more realistic and sustainable family, social and professional lives. Knowledge is power.

The Web of Interests

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Are relationships genuine, or have they been?

How to start answering this question? The word genuine means that there is no interest attached to the individual, but to be authentic and correct. To follow the natural law of decency towards self and another. So are relationships genuine at the point of not hiding any discomfort or unhappiness? Because this is what genuine is. Perhaps relationships are more invested in denying vital truths in order to keep the interest alive? Could be a common interest to deny facts? Maybe for some although is that genuine? No.

It feels like an endless cycle of positive expectation and then disappointment to me. As much as a person seems to be temporarily able to sustain a benevolent feeling, easily this fades out when it touches the psychological emptiness that they experience. Then it is the pain that comes first, and the need to operate first aid and a quick fix procedure.

The times are not for first fast aid any more. The current times are asking for thorough procedures, deep investigations into the kernel of our knowings and existences.

People that have not gained the skills the need to go through the fire of authenticity. This is though the natural course. Without eggs who can make scramble eggs? Perhaps imagining making it gives some a kind of deceptive pleasure, which can indicate that some got used to living in a world of fantasy.

Are relationships genuine?

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Equilibrium

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The art of equilibrium requires a great amount of acceptance, including of what we don’t know, what we really desire and where our sources of inspiration come from. Without these 3 areas covered, I don’t believe that a person will feel satisfied in their present moment.

The present moment phenomenon requires a 360 degrees view. I have learnt this from many masters, but also it is something that I couldn’t run away from. The thirst for balance has always been constant in me. I did not ever want to blame anyone, as I understood that other variables played a part in individuals choices and decisions. Other variables were intrinsic to their own experience and tailored developmental milestones. As much as it is difficult to recognise, everyone deserves to feel good, safe and valued in their singular lives. No matter how much you have learnt or achieved. However, this is something that the unique person has to prioritise instead of giving that responsibility to another.

Some people can’t seem to attain a balance in life. In that case, they must remember the art of being humble and recognise that they can’t get it right all the time, and this will liberate them, as it liberates all.

We all need to learn to equilibrate in the ocean waves and about the mechanisms that already drive our boats. Otherwise, we are, and we have been, and unfortunately, for several, they still will be, creating unnecessary pain and obstacles.

My recommendation for today is that we remember humility. A soft terrain produces more fruits than a hard one. Stay well!

The Natural Order

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“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities, an old script from the Bible.

No matter how many spins the planet does there will always be a few brave and lawful individuals that will not give up when facing a challenge. This to me reveals wisdom over ignorance, and love over hate.

Some individuals struggle to see that hate is a waste of their time. They simply don’t see this until something happens or someone informs them. I have recognized this in relatives for example and also in patients. The mind remains on default mode for many years, and the individual can attack others with derogatory words, unrealistic demands and even can get physical. Their pride is above their heads, and they anger touches the house celling. This is not just wrong morally, it is also against the natural order of our bio-psycho-social existence, and eventually people start noticing being short in breath or a lower immune system or lower self-esteem and self-confidence. It is necessary to remember that we are all one in the aspect of entitlement to live a free and joyful life, and that equally we have always been one. This is as applicable for yourself reading this, as it is for your next door neighbour, or your child.

I want to bring to your attention that existence is like a house that you purchase. You are living there by yourself, you got the key, and you know where the living room is, the electricity, the stove and the water. If you don’t maintain it tidy and clean, hazardous substances will grow almost from nowhere. You may hide something under the carpet, but your mind knows that it is still there. Keeping something hidden is impossible because your body will still assimilate the images, memories and effects of that in yourself and/or in others. It is also like a cloud in the sky that comes and goes, and will still come and go until you resolve it. This is what I understand by Natural Order. It is innate to all humans, species and components that create the cosmos. It is the pure desire. Furthermore, it speaks about natural harmony and transparency.

Trespassers

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The times we face are interesting and strongly synchronised with the collective homeostasis, not just the earth, but with our physiology, ethics and morality.

Human beings have been trespassers because they can’t seem to be able to wait in the line but instead, they jump queues or stop to look or admire what other people are doing which results in them abandoning their magnificent singular growth temporarily. Like a traffic jam where traffic lights are not respected, and instead, the drivers go in front of each other causing delays and inconvenience, and sometimes they don’t carry the kindest intentions at heart. 

The examples of trespassing are:

  • To inflict unnecessary pain on others
  • To be dishonest in order to achieve recognition
  • To copy someone’s work and profit from it
  • To criticise people harshly and make them feel humiliated, etc…

I see that the current times are asking people to take a slower approach in life. How can we not do it? The benefits are numerous:

  • Better focus
  • Better memory
  • Better decision-making
  • Increase care and compassion
  • Increase creativity
  • Better union and laws
  • No jumping ahead, and instead analysis of singular present moment

We must honour what makes us so unique. We are intelligent corpora that have cognitive faculties that have been neglected. This, unfortunately, resulted in the violation of human rights throughout the many timelines and social epochs, and sadly still occurs. As we slow down and understand our bio-psycho-social existence, it is only likely that we can and will reap much higher long-term meaningful results.