Unconditional Self-Love

The words “self-love” and “unconditional self-love” are experienced by many as archaic or even not representing a priority. This is noticeable because what you hear the most on social media and the television are not those words. I use this terminology in my clinical practice because it is not only intertwined with the purpose of emotional healing and rehabilitation but also with ancient facts that few Masters of unconditional love and peace have tried to disseminate for millennia.

When you love yourself unconditionally, you know that in every step of your way, you will need to re-examine your heart and mind intentions, thoughts and actions. Unconditional self-love to me is a broader understanding that we are beyond meanings; it grounds me immediately to my entitlements of experiencing joy and keep evolving without the fear of being judged. There is much social anxiety on this planet, too much. This has been sustained, and the only thing that can reduce it is the use of logic and authenticity

Your Mental Health is Your Responsibility

I have sad news for you. Your life circumstances are a product of your great or little attention to your well-being. You have abandoned knowing yourself to facilitate “happier” moments to other people. Have you? If not, congratulations.

Please stop blaming your spouse, children, parents and the economy, and allow yourself to feel more dignified. It is your care to the detail and pursuit of your happiness that are here in check.

Perhaps your difficulty is related to inertia or lethargy. If you feel stuck in your conditions than I recommend that you learn how to overcome the negative feelings from an easy and kind place. How can you defeat emotional lethargy? I have one simple and life-saving suggestion: don’t judge yourself and move on. Indeed move on with your new understanding and greater feeling, and reach your next important milestone which might be feeling healthier, inspired, energetic, satisfied, in love, in harmony, etc. Simply move on to a new positive feeling platform, even before you address trauma if you have endured it, feel good if not excellent first. Discover what is that you love and surround yourself with that.

It is your responsibility.

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Stop polluting the air with your brainwaves!

For many kiloyears we have seen individuals wanting to manipulate one another. Our survival became associated with that and pleasing others.

It started with Eve that tried to influence Adam to eat the fruit, and Adam not being able to be singular. It is not only Eve’s fault, both individuals’ core identities were already contaminated with insecurity. Why did we all get so easily swayed and our voices so retreated as humanity?

The social media phenomenon that we see, and also in arenas such as politics and teaching platforms, are the result – literally – of interwoven brain waves that keep everyone either unhappily stuck, stagnant or even temporarily satisfied for the few seconds of fame. Our real identity that is already innately self-reliable, will never achieve fulfilment from the social interexchange. The most you get out of it is some sort of validation and momentous equality, feeling a little bit less shit. Is this sustainable?

The world needs to wake up to the understanding that people’s influence is stronger than what we have assumed so far. It is not only a social fact it is also physics. As you think and repeat the same unhelpful thought you pollute not only your life and your loved ones around you, but you also pollute the collective brain.

The waves you emit sustain in the air after their apparent end. The words you originate have electricity and the actions even more voltage, this has been already validated by science.

One needs to wake up to self-responsibility in the creation of not only of our daily life experiences but also of the societies we co-exist. What kind of world do you want to help actualising? We are all to blame for the polluted air we breathe.

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Victimisation is a Virus

What is life but a multitude of occurrences as a result of mentalities and belief systems?

Most people still unwillingly ride waves of despair, disempowerment and victimisation. They submit to the understanding people assign to their experiences.

I know that this is a fragility in almost all personalities, I have been there myself. There is a natural inclination in the mind to react when faced with varied attitudes. This happens because the core identity feels threatened by the negative connotations that others want to impose on us. At the end of the day, it is a mechanism of survival and proving our points.

It is not fair at all when people with negative intent make us feel hostages of their ideas, rules and assumptions. I see this happening in families quite frequently. Nevertheless one needs to ask what makes us prisoners? Is it others or our interpretations and reactions to situations?

I choose to give chances to individuals that have a passive-aggressive style as they also wish to learn to self-regulate (inadvertently), although, I only give them maximum 3 chances depending on their conduct. It is important to not allow direct aggression from anyone, but we all desire to make this world a better place and for this particular reason we have been allowing verbal and psychological abuse from many. It is time to put an end to this insanity, and have a smarter response.

I believe in equal rights and use them in my work often. Every single person, no matter how old they are, need to be fully listened to, and their views deserve to be congruently examined against the standards of universal truth.

“Love others as you love yourself”. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love others. My advice is that we should be tolerant, patient and ready to listen to all the valid reasons and weigh the facts in light with ethical and moral values. This would reduce victimisation thinking and behavioural patterns.

This world requires a stronger and more sustained holding of moral and ethical principles in all contexts.

By Andreia Santo

Judgement is Existentially Harmful

The judgement we know is one of overt criticism towards another or oneself; the thoughts that lead to the action of actually verbalising the judgement.

The judgement methodology is an ancient one, inherently in it there is the “compare and despair” mentality. It consists basically of you reasoning and gathering evidence of why it isn’t good or fair. I am not dismissing the fact that there are wrong things happening at every moment, however, this sort of mentality does not help. The more we seek to find the problem the more we will see it. By doing this you activate momentum in your thinking and you will find extremely difficult to take control, as the intensity of the brain waves increase and permeate your entire system.

For many years people have allowed the judgement methodology to get integrated into the collective and individual mind, which consequently contributed for a gradual deterioration of your ability to love and care about your well-being. This why many people are not able to see above despair, judgement, guilt, anger, etc. They have become deeply accustomed to this mindset.

How to get rid of judgement? Firstly recognised that it is not serving your evolution as it gets you stuck to unpleasant emotional chairs. Your care for the way you feel needs to sound louder than the habit of being pessimistic or judgemental. So raise your voice on a moment by moment basis, and you will experience a new intelligence in you, the original self-love intelligence.

Secondly, reprimand your negative thoughts with authority while you see the truth. It is like a roar of a lion that is always sure of itself and clear.

We must attempt to correct the voices in our heads and navigate more often on positive thinking-feeling platforms deliberately to attain happiness.

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Quantum Psychology

Quantum physics is a science that investigates the smallest and most invisible and imperceptible elements that surround our existence, such as atoms, molecules, waves, etc.

I based my work and clinical approach on unconditional self-love which is the scientific self of all humans. Throughout the last decade of practicing as a clinical psychologist, I concluded that the mind cannot remain in one place, as it is quickly transported to varied emotional experiences, some of them experienced physically and others related to imagined or vicarious learning. In my work, I remind individuals of all ages about the many parallel roads that they tend to get stuck on, and are diverted from their original goal which tends to be feeling their confidence, authenticity, happiness, power, and/ or motivation. I also remind them of the intact and positive self that stays normally at the back, asking to be reunited with the mind, with the single purpose of living a fulfilled and meaningful life.

The self I am constantly referring to is the genuine identity that obeys to the laws of unconditional self-love, and it is basically comprised of energy, one of positive nature.

Imagine a glass filled with water, pure water, and suddenly you add a minuscule drop of blue ink, the water will no longer seem so transparent. This is exactly what I mean by unconditional self-love energy. It is a quantum reality, invisible; however at the basis on all creation because it never disentangles from the systems of homeostasis, regeneration, and therefore peace and joy.

Belief Systems

What are beliefs systems and why are they so important?

Belief systems are a conglomeration of concepts that rule different layers of human communication and societies. Social sciences have made the distinction between varied subgroups. On a nuclear level there are the immediate caregivers with their individual communication styles, life experiences and understanding. On the next level, the extended family and significant others, acquaintances, neighbours, community, school and other educational systems. After there is the subsystem of social, cultural, religious doctrines prevalent in your country. The international relationships come after, and then the global atmosphere.

Imagine a person moving to a new country from a complete different culture and social expectations. This person would evidently experience a totally new conceptual and symbolic integration and re-adjustment. This process also happens after you were born and started assimilating beliefs around you. The norms and habits you witness become most of your language and by default thinking.

To me this raises a question of vital importance: what comes first, the pure and clear mind or the accumulation of information? It is the pure and clear mind of a child obviously, like a blank canvas, and then after there is the layers of data that start settling and integrating in the mind.

The dualism of human development is very noticeable. In one hand a human being is still like a tabula rasa because has the potential and ability to slow down and experience states of joy and calmness. On the other hand, depending of the upbringing, the person can also become an over-reactive anxious and rigid entity, responding to the stimuli, occurrences and stress without making space to process own feelings and honest views. The over-reactive thinking and action are what tend to cause thought disorganisation and mental illness.

Belief systems are therefore like a software installed without one’s full consent as we were not aware that we could actually step back and develop an alternative view. Most people tend to exist like sponges, not filters. The expectations of our world are quite aggressive and derogatory, and impair the potential of individuals, and of their creative and even scientific thinking.

PSYCHOLOGICAL FREEDOM

Would you like to feel fulfilled in your existence? I refer to the word “existence” considerably as it encompasses from being born to senior stages of our lives. I am aware that it is important to stretch our perception of time once in a while, otherwise, we might get too stuck in particular unhelpful and unkind details and negative behavioural cycles. I am sharing below 5 suggestions concerning how you can achieve psychological freedom.

1. It is vital to realise what your real desires are, so you don’t keep making decisions that don’t contribute to your happiness. When you repeat what you don’t want, you are bringing heavy and about to burst clouds to a sunny territory.

2. It is necessary to ground on universal principles, ethics and in elements of organic productivity. In relationships, this means being brave to acknowledge our emotions and current viewpoints, while allowing space for further reflection, learning and self-discovery. For instance starting a conversation with ” I now feel ______ and my stance is ______, even though it may change if appropriate”. By adopting this communication style you give yourself the time and freedom to re-examine and evolve your discoveries. Personal flexibility is kindness.

3. Everyone has the right to feel safe and healthy. Our minds have to be prioritised as they determine how we think about our general well-being and others. Being safe is not only about experiencing physical safety but also psychological, in other words, It is extremely important to not get used to experiencing feeling unvalued, disrespected and judged.

4. Overcome fear and embrace your valid views. Humankind is so on edge when it comes to taking an assertive stand and verbalising accurate and present emotions. Isn’t this the only way to freedom?

5. The ultimate positioning is when the world becomes a place of genuine interactions and when self-respect and self-introspection are the pillars, and joyful experiences the consequence.

PSYCHOLOGICAL SINGULARITY FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH AUTISM AND INTELLECTUAL DISABILITY

Parents are the pillars of our world as they have the very important roles of protecting, caring and educating their children, and inadvertently helping professionals to become better at their jobs.

In my view parents require to acknowledge their need for personal space and self-care too. When they do this everyone in the household increases their self-awareness and consequently self-worth.

The key points are that parents realise that they might have been dismissing the guidance available to them: their emotions. The exhaustion they experience sometimes (or often), indicates a diversion from their own self-love path. I see this happening significantly in my work as clinical psychologist, as normally other demands and worries take priority.

I work mainly with parents of autistic children and I witness great potential and love coming from them; however, I also notice reluctance and insecurity when it comes to trusting themselves first. This is perhaps due to longstanding beliefs related to the topic of autism or learning disabilities, parenthood, individual narratives and social expectations. Parents require to remember that their lives are equally important, and that they deserve to mind the gap between their thoughts and their actions, and enhance their sensitivity to the way they feel.

If you are a parent of a child with autism you will most likely experience ambivalent and puzzling emotions.

Most people raise the theme of rigidity, and need to stick to a routine to not intensify anxiety on the child, which in many ways is positive because it provides the physical and emotional safety and the secure attachment that they are entitled to. However, it is likewise relevant that parents remember the importance of space for personal reflection and to not suppress creative and spontaneous behaviour.

Scientists of psychology have carried out extensive research that confirms the impact of social conditioning which is interconnected with how parents have been also brought-up and their exposure to education. If you have come from a chaotic family, or a high achieving one, you might not have been reminded to appreciate your emotional states. I’ve seen many times parents flourishing when we initiate discussion about the principle of self-worth. Very quickly they become quite creative and insightful, and able to troubleshoot challenging situations at home with minimal or none support.

I would like to recommend that parents become more attentive to their emotions, and to take a non-judgemental stance even if these emotions are convoluted, such as anger or serious frustration. Instead see yourself as extremely valuable and also an emotional being that is deserving of unconditional respect and self-love.

Take a deep breath and re-connect with the purpose of your existence in this magnificent planet that supersedes the mind blocks and any unpleasant emotions.

Article written by Dr Andreia Santo (April 2020)