All that it takes is to care!

A caring nature is the key and the portal of success, happiness, love, abundance and personal integration.

When individuals split their attention to accommodate stronger and harsher emotions such as anger, hate and resentment, they embark on a journey of dissociation from the whole equation. Imagine a neighbour of yours having gone through the split: How do you think they would behave? Would they feel frequently on edge? Perhaps suspicious and anxious around other people? The split of oneself genuine well-being to embrace fear and worry as the norm, if not understood leaves in individuals deep wounds and their personalities becomes identified with what they perceive and repeatedly suffer from. Of course, there will be situations when it is totally valid to experience fear, worry and dislike; though if this is left unnoticed, there lies the beginning of a possible issue.

I practice clinical psychology with the sentiment that all people have importance and that no one should be made to feel devalued. This principle is something new for many as the mainstream mentality and historical evolution have prioritized pleasing to others. For instance if we pay attention to the expectations related to meeting deadlines, or achieving particular status, financial ranks, family and religious status, we will see that these are some of the social constructs that can ignite in individuals a fight-flight-freeze answer. It is rather difficult to prevent it because it needs to be understood instead! In my sessions I work with my clients on supporting them to notice their emotions better and without any fear. This tends to be useful because it decreases the habit of skipping the noticing stage for quick, fruitless and not very sustainable resolutions. We all need to become fearless about self-analysis, in my view.

I believe that when individuals start making space to care about each other and understand from the other’s angle, whilst not suppressing their emotions, there will be a beautiful evolutionary momentum in the world. Would you agree?

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The Web of Interests

Are relationships genuine, or have they been?

How to start answering this question? The word genuine means that there is no interest attached to the individual, but to be authentic and correct. To follow the natural law of decency towards self and another. So are relationships genuine at the point of not hiding any discomfort or unhappiness? Because this is what genuine is. Perhaps relationships are more invested in denying vital truths in order to keep the interest alive? Could be a common interest to deny facts? Maybe for some although is that genuine? No.

It feels like an endless cycle of positive expectation and then disappointment to me. As much as a person seems to be temporarily able to sustain a benevolent feeling, easily this fades out when it touches the psychological emptiness that they experience. Then it is the pain that comes first, and the need to operate first aid and a quick fix procedure.

The times are not for first fast aid any more. The current times are asking for thorough procedures, deep investigations into the kernel of our knowings and existences.

People that have not gained the skills the need to go through the fire of authenticity. This is though the natural course. Without eggs who can make scramble eggs? Perhaps imagining making it gives some a kind of deceptive pleasure, which can indicate that some got used to living in a world of fantasy.

Are relationships genuine?

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Equilibrium

The art of equilibrium requires a great amount of acceptance, including of what we don’t know, what we really desire and where our sources of inspiration come from. Without these 3 areas covered, I don’t believe that a person will feel satisfied in their present moment.

The present moment phenomenon requires a 360 degrees view. I have learnt this from many masters, but also it is something that I couldn’t run away from. The thirst for balance has always been constant in me. I did not ever want to blame anyone, as I understood that other variables played a part in individuals choices and decisions. Other variables were intrinsic to their own experience and tailored developmental milestones. As much as it is difficult to recognise, everyone deserves to feel good, safe and valued in their singular lives. No matter how much you have learnt or achieved. However, this is something that the unique person has to prioritise instead of giving that responsibility to another.

Some people can’t seem to attain a balance in life. In that case, they must remember the art of being humble and recognise that they can’t get it right all the time, and this will liberate them, as it liberates all.

We all need to learn to equilibrate in the ocean waves and about the mechanisms that already drive our boats. Otherwise, we are, and we have been, and unfortunately, for several, they still will be, creating unnecessary pain and obstacles.

My recommendation for today is that we remember humility. A soft terrain produces more fruits than a hard one. Stay well!

The Natural Order

“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities, an old script from the Bible.

No matter how many spins the planet does there will always be a few brave and lawful individuals that will not give up when facing a challenge. This to me reveals wisdom over ignorance, and love over hate.

Some individuals struggle to see that hate is a waste of their time. They simply don’t see this until something happens or someone informs them. I have recognized this in relatives for example and also in patients. The mind remains on default mode for many years, and the individual can attack others with derogatory words, unrealistic demands and even can get physical. Their pride is above their heads, and they anger touches the house celling. This is not just wrong morally, it is also against the natural order of our bio-psycho-social existence, and eventually people start noticing being short in breath or a lower immune system or lower self-esteem and self-confidence. It is necessary to remember that we are all one in the aspect of entitlement to live a free and joyful life, and that equally we have always been one. This is as applicable for yourself reading this, as it is for your next door neighbour, or your child.

I want to bring to your attention that existence is like a house that you purchase. You are living there by yourself, you got the key, and you know where the living room is, the electricity, the stove and the water. If you don’t maintain it tidy and clean, hazardous substances will grow almost from nowhere. You may hide something under the carpet, but your mind knows that it is still there. Keeping something hidden is impossible because your body will still assimilate the images, memories and effects of that in yourself and/or in others. It is also like a cloud in the sky that comes and goes, and will still come and go until you resolve it. This is what I understand by Natural Order. It is innate to all humans, species and components that create the cosmos. It is the pure desire. Furthermore, it speaks about natural harmony and transparency.

Ethics and Mental Ilness

I am a believer that ethics as a concept is older than the concept of psychology or mental health. It is evident if you look back in history. Even in the ancient religious scripts, people have been asked to refrain their judgement, crime, and lies. So why are some humans compulsive liars, for example? I am not dismissing at all the genetic inclination for particular thinking patterns and actions; I actually embrace it wholeheartedly. It is important to recognise the vulnerabilities and weaknesses of the heart or mind, but something really different is when individuals hide it and minimise it.

Certain human beings prefer reading gossip magazines although they know that judgement is wrong and they dwell in the joy of either belittling themselves or others in their minds: “this person is fatter than me, I could be on the front page! For example. There is still quite a lot of this mentality but small education on it. In the meantime, young women and men with this predisposition start developing eating disorders or obsessive and compulsive habits. How many times have I worked with parents of children that were in constant denial of their emotional displacement. “We speak about everything in this house,” they say; however, they cannot bear to talk about their emotional wounds from the past, without a lot of necessity present and encouragement.

In my view, our world requires to have a stronger baseline of ethics before anything else, instead of being guided by lies of consumerism, power and fame. Immediate gratification is not to be neglected by doctors and services; it is to be tackled in conversations if we spot it and to be addressed in the now. The immediate gratification is the root of addiction, compulsion, obsession, depression and aggression. We must crystallise our personal ethics before we open any magazine or watch the news next time.

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Processing Speed

Processing speed is a faculty in the brain that requires to be exercised to operate comprehensively. Processing speed is the velocity at which a person takes in information, makes sense of it, and begins to answer. This information can be visual, like letters and numbers. It can also be auditory, like spoken language. Different people have different paces in processing information. Our communication depends on our ability to process information effectively, and to notice the subtleties of the relational exchange, which include the following:

A= Personal ability to notice effectively what people are expressing and a frank attitude to acknowledge what you understand or when you need to ask for clarification.

B= Personal ability to state the truth, without fear of persecution or oppression.

C= Personal ability to recognise how we feel in the moment, and commitment to universal rights.

Most arguments and conflicts happen due to a need to slow down the thinking to serve a better reflection and impartiality. The truth is always important for both parts, as it is essentially based in unconditional love. This powerful statement is beyond what we imagine currently, because it has the potential to support each individual in their emotional and mental calibration and self-awareness. This could be very protective for humanity.

Imagine a debate where people are only attacking each other with the things that they have failed upon, without punctuating how to make it better, as it is the debate of the American Presidential elections and a common practice of many politicians. This is an overreactive mentality, which aim does not seem to support the collective good for all, especially when the vice-presidents keep telling each other that they are lying, without explaining if they are or not and rushing to the next question instead. This can be felt as extremely confusing and deceptive, and it is! Assuming that “everyone knows it all” is the norm, which is unhealthy and detrimental to our mental health.

We must enquire deeper in the debate between 2 individuals, including on how they are achieving their reasoning and how they feel about it. Besides, we must demand facts as they are many vulnerable people with poor processing speed that are not prepared to think with complete self-care and attention to the important and truthful details. When there is anxiety in the mind while saying something, there will be space for error. Unfortunately, denial is also a problem because it is a common action and acceptable socially, which is again conceivably harmful.

Dear reader, let me ask you kindly. How dedicated are you in terms of taking responsibility for your own mental health? How much do you value it from zero to ten (none to a lot)? If you don’t value unconditional self-love and prioritise your well-being that much, it may indicate that your processing speed is rather slow in the matters of your own holistic self-care. I want to reassure you that it is possible to overcome this issue through specific researched interventions.

Please refer to my other articles and posts of my professional and personal Instagram for more openness on this subject, and feel free to approach me if you wish to book a session or have questions.

Victimisation is a Virus

What is life but a multitude of occurrences as a result of mentalities and belief systems?

Most people still unwillingly ride waves of despair, disempowerment and victimisation. They submit to the understanding people assign to their experiences.

I know that this is a fragility in almost all personalities, I have been there myself. There is a natural inclination in the mind to react when faced with varied attitudes. This happens because the core identity feels threatened by the negative connotations that others want to impose on us. At the end of the day, it is a mechanism of survival and proving our points.

It is not fair at all when people with negative intent make us feel hostages of their ideas, rules and assumptions. I see this happening in families quite frequently. Nevertheless one needs to ask what makes us prisoners? Is it others or our interpretations and reactions to situations?

I choose to give chances to individuals that have a passive-aggressive style as they also wish to learn to self-regulate (inadvertently), although, I only give them maximum 3 chances depending on their conduct. It is important to not allow direct aggression from anyone, but we all desire to make this world a better place and for this particular reason we have been allowing verbal and psychological abuse from many. It is time to put an end to this insanity, and have a smarter response.

I believe in equal rights and use them in my work often. Every single person, no matter how old they are, need to be fully listened to, and their views deserve to be congruently examined against the standards of universal truth.

“Love others as you love yourself”. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love others. My advice is that we should be tolerant, patient and ready to listen to all the valid reasons and weigh the facts in light with ethical and moral values. This would reduce victimisation thinking and behavioural patterns.

This world requires a stronger and more sustained holding of moral and ethical principles in all contexts.

By Andreia Santo

PSYCHOLOGICAL FREEDOM

Would you like to feel fulfilled in your existence? I refer to the word “existence” considerably as it encompasses from being born to senior stages of our lives. I am aware that it is important to stretch our perception of time once in a while, otherwise, we might get too stuck in particular unhelpful and unkind details and negative behavioural cycles. I am sharing below 5 suggestions concerning how you can achieve psychological freedom.

1. It is vital to realise what your real desires are, so you don’t keep making decisions that don’t contribute to your happiness. When you repeat what you don’t want, you are bringing heavy and about to burst clouds to a sunny territory.

2. It is necessary to ground on universal principles, ethics and in elements of organic productivity. In relationships, this means being brave to acknowledge our emotions and current viewpoints, while allowing space for further reflection, learning and self-discovery. For instance starting a conversation with ” I now feel ______ and my stance is ______, even though it may change if appropriate”. By adopting this communication style you give yourself the time and freedom to re-examine and evolve your discoveries. Personal flexibility is kindness.

3. Everyone has the right to feel safe and healthy. Our minds have to be prioritised as they determine how we think about our general well-being and others. Being safe is not only about experiencing physical safety but also psychological, in other words, It is extremely important to not get used to experiencing feeling unvalued, disrespected and judged.

4. Overcome fear and embrace your valid views. Humankind is so on edge when it comes to taking an assertive stand and verbalising accurate and present emotions. Isn’t this the only way to freedom?

5. The ultimate positioning is when the world becomes a place of genuine interactions and when self-respect and self-introspection are the pillars, and joyful experiences the consequence.