Identity Loss

What is an identity? An attempt to randomly establish better conditions with no logic? Does it need logic? I’ve realised that when there is more logic and down to earth intention, the better consistency it has. What do I mean by consistency? I think it means to be loyal to transparent and universal values.

Since a very young age, I have been eager to meet kind and strong people. I felt many times disappointed as the kind part would quickly vanish. Did this happen to you before?

The impact of a strong personality is generally speaking huge. I experienced it as being bold, secretive and artificially seductive . I almost got to think that there was more potential and happiness to such identities. Today I realise that there is more pain accumulated most of the time. After I re-analysed my values and stipulated what I believe to be necessary, soon I have become even angry with those that try to take advantage of others through glamour, despite the fact that I understand that there is unprocessed personal experiences. In addition, with this came a scientific understanding of our minds and intentions mechanisms which I found to be enhancing; of course, no point in crying over the past, mainly because there is only the present moment, and the more I can thoroughly enjoy it the better for me.

The loss of the “solid” identity is also correlated to NOT diligently embracing the truth, wisdom and fair treatment of others. How we treat others does impact our ability to sustain a positive well-being balance.

“Awakening”

There is a trend called the awakening or ascension that has been inspiring many people to develop their connection with nature, love, God, and themselves too. For centuries many disciplines including religion, maths, science, journalism, theatre seem to have channelled the “desire for more”, the desire to transcend social limitations and understand them (the latest being less relevant in our consciousness, unfortunately). Is the desire perhaps the real meaning of spirituality? Is the desire in the end the driving force that keeps us alive, engaged, curious, and proactive?

Many people struggle to embrace their desires. They leave this to the end of their journey, even. Is floating with endurance the same thing as actively exploring and adventuring? I don’t believe it is. Endurance refers to a more passive stance, totally valid too, as at times we have to survive, or still keep processing quite a lot of experiences, and therefore we might not feel apt to do more. Does this make sense to you? When we do not find the strength to do more we should honour our efforts so far, understand the limitations in ourselves and others and stick to our own journey and personal rhythm. We will never find 2 individuals with the exact same pace, inclinations, life experiences, limitations, etc. Is this something to feel bad about or to accept? To accept and love without a doubt. Hence, the need to wake to loving your singular existence.

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3 Diamonds

In my work, I make space for the correlation of important elements that are enhancing of a positive and truthful well-being. They are assertiveness, psychological homeostasis and evolution or learning.

Assertiveness speaks of trying to be kind and sincere with your yourself whilst you are being considerate and acting diligently with others around you too. This is highly important but also requires previous homework of exploration of who you are, your real intentions and your innate entitlements. Please read up my previous posts for more content on your innate entitlements.

Psychological homeostasis refers to the individual’s understanding of their own optimal developmental environment and needs. It invites you to take a step back and contemplate what are your real needs. What is a “need?” A need is related to the mechanisms of self-regulation that you might be lacking, in other words, the insight about how you can get easily stuck to a sentiment that there is something lacking in you, or in your life in general. Nothing really is lacking in a human being as we are equipped with all cognitive skills we require in order to reason, make decisions, communicate and survive properly. Why are people not communicating properly these days? A good question to reflect upon, I think.

Evolution or learning refers to the flexibility that is required in the singular ascension. A person needs to be open-minded, so they can overcome challenging times by seeking the truth in them. There are many people stubbornly just professing ideologies and using a loud voice or a passive-aggressive stance, which makes others that are more sensitive and shy, either avoid speaking up and fall behind in their introspection and happiness. Although, the point of this article is that YOU become self-sustainable and not shaken off so quickly by other people’s views of you, or the world around you.

Be aware that you do create your reality, your climate.

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Trespassers

The times we face are interesting and strongly synchronised with the collective homeostasis, not just the earth, but with our physiology, ethics and morality.

Human beings have been trespassers because they can’t seem to be able to wait in the line but instead, they jump queues or stop to look or admire what other people are doing which results in them abandoning their magnificent singular growth temporarily. Like a traffic jam where traffic lights are not respected, and instead, the drivers go in front of each other causing delays and inconvenience, and sometimes they don’t carry the kindest intentions at heart. 

The examples of trespassing are:

  • To inflict unnecessary pain on others
  • To be dishonest in order to achieve recognition
  • To copy someone’s work and profit from it
  • To criticise people harshly and make them feel humiliated, etc…

I see that the current times are asking people to take a slower approach in life. How can we not do it? The benefits are numerous:

  • Better focus
  • Better memory
  • Better decision-making
  • Increase care and compassion
  • Increase creativity
  • Better union and laws
  • No jumping ahead, and instead analysis of singular present moment

We must honour what makes us so unique. We are intelligent corpora that have cognitive faculties that have been neglected. This, unfortunately, resulted in the violation of human rights throughout the many timelines and social epochs, and sadly still occurs. As we slow down and understand our bio-psycho-social existence, it is only likely that we can and will reap much higher long-term meaningful results.

Behave Like an Adult!

I know it may sound strange this title and rude; however it equally encourages us all to cherish our deliberation, ability to take a step back to think, to flow with our joy and to speak up! This statement is critical if you find yourself engulfed in family, social and professional or school expectations and demands. If you feel lonely and that no one is interested in what you have to say is because you also perceive your voice as being weaker. Recognise that us humans are susceptible to get carried away in people’s dramas because of the intensity of the moment. This is natural. Be kind and a responsible adult during that time, and get used to loving yourself, by taking time out and remembering to prioritise your rhetoric, logic and free will. In my view, no matter how old we are, we ought to esteem our personal existence, uniqueness and freedom to learn and to speak up.

Behave like an adult!

Ethics and Mental Ilness

I am a believer that ethics as a concept is older than the concept of psychology or mental health. It is evident if you look back in history. Even in the ancient religious scripts, people have been asked to refrain their judgement, crime, and lies. So why are some humans compulsive liars, for example? I am not dismissing at all the genetic inclination for particular thinking patterns and actions; I actually embrace it wholeheartedly. It is important to recognise the vulnerabilities and weaknesses of the heart or mind, but something really different is when individuals hide it and minimise it.

Certain human beings prefer reading gossip magazines although they know that judgement is wrong and they dwell in the joy of either belittling themselves or others in their minds: “this person is fatter than me, I could be on the front page! For example. There is still quite a lot of this mentality but small education on it. In the meantime, young women and men with this predisposition start developing eating disorders or obsessive and compulsive habits. How many times have I worked with parents of children that were in constant denial of their emotional displacement. “We speak about everything in this house,” they say; however, they cannot bear to talk about their emotional wounds from the past, without a lot of necessity present and encouragement.

In my view, our world requires to have a stronger baseline of ethics before anything else, instead of being guided by lies of consumerism, power and fame. Immediate gratification is not to be neglected by doctors and services; it is to be tackled in conversations if we spot it and to be addressed in the now. The immediate gratification is the root of addiction, compulsion, obsession, depression and aggression. We must crystallise our personal ethics before we open any magazine or watch the news next time.

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Processing Speed

Processing speed is a faculty in the brain that requires to be exercised to operate comprehensively. Processing speed is the velocity at which a person takes in information, makes sense of it, and begins to answer. This information can be visual, like letters and numbers. It can also be auditory, like spoken language. Different people have different paces in processing information. Our communication depends on our ability to process information effectively, and to notice the subtleties of the relational exchange, which include the following:

A= Personal ability to notice effectively what people are expressing and a frank attitude to acknowledge what you understand or when you need to ask for clarification.

B= Personal ability to state the truth, without fear of persecution or oppression.

C= Personal ability to recognise how we feel in the moment, and commitment to universal rights.

Most arguments and conflicts happen due to a need to slow down the thinking to serve a better reflection and impartiality. The truth is always important for both parts, as it is essentially based in unconditional love. This powerful statement is beyond what we imagine currently, because it has the potential to support each individual in their emotional and mental calibration and self-awareness. This could be very protective for humanity.

Imagine a debate where people are only attacking each other with the things that they have failed upon, without punctuating how to make it better, as it is the debate of the American Presidential elections and a common practice of many politicians. This is an overreactive mentality, which aim does not seem to support the collective good for all, especially when the vice-presidents keep telling each other that they are lying, without explaining if they are or not and rushing to the next question instead. This can be felt as extremely confusing and deceptive, and it is! Assuming that “everyone knows it all” is the norm, which is unhealthy and detrimental to our mental health.

We must enquire deeper in the debate between 2 individuals, including on how they are achieving their reasoning and how they feel about it. Besides, we must demand facts as they are many vulnerable people with poor processing speed that are not prepared to think with complete self-care and attention to the important and truthful details. When there is anxiety in the mind while saying something, there will be space for error. Unfortunately, denial is also a problem because it is a common action and acceptable socially, which is again conceivably harmful.

Dear reader, let me ask you kindly. How dedicated are you in terms of taking responsibility for your own mental health? How much do you value it from zero to ten (none to a lot)? If you don’t value unconditional self-love and prioritise your well-being that much, it may indicate that your processing speed is rather slow in the matters of your own holistic self-care. I want to reassure you that it is possible to overcome this issue through specific researched interventions.

Please refer to my other articles and posts of my professional and personal Instagram for more openness on this subject, and feel free to approach me if you wish to book a session or have questions.

Unconditional Self-Love

The words “self-love” and “unconditional self-love” are experienced by many as archaic or even not representing a priority. This is noticeable because what you hear the most on social media and the television are not those words. I use this terminology in my clinical practice because it is not only intertwined with the purpose of emotional healing and rehabilitation but also with ancient facts that few Masters of unconditional love and peace have tried to disseminate for millennia.

When you love yourself unconditionally, you know that in every step of your way, you will need to re-examine your heart and mind intentions, thoughts and actions. Unconditional self-love to me is a broader understanding that we are beyond meanings; it grounds me immediately to my entitlements of experiencing joy and keep evolving without the fear of being judged. There is much social anxiety on this planet, too much. This has been sustained, and the only thing that can reduce it is the use of logic and authenticity

Your Mental Health is Your Responsibility

I have sad news for you. Your life circumstances are a product of your great or little attention to your well-being. You have abandoned knowing yourself to facilitate “happier” moments to other people. Have you? If not, congratulations.

Please stop blaming your spouse, children, parents and the economy, and allow yourself to feel more dignified. It is your care to the detail and pursuit of your happiness that are here in check.

Perhaps your difficulty is related to inertia or lethargy. If you feel stuck in your conditions than I recommend that you learn how to overcome the negative feelings from an easy and kind place. How can you defeat emotional lethargy? I have one simple and life-saving suggestion: don’t judge yourself and move on. Indeed move on with your new understanding and greater feeling, and reach your next important milestone which might be feeling healthier, inspired, energetic, satisfied, in love, in harmony, etc. Simply move on to a new positive feeling platform, even before you address trauma if you have endured it, feel good if not excellent first. Discover what is that you love and surround yourself with that.

It is your responsibility.

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Victimisation is a Virus

What is life but a multitude of occurrences as a result of mentalities and belief systems?

Most people still unwillingly ride waves of despair, disempowerment and victimisation. They submit to the understanding people assign to their experiences.

I know that this is a fragility in almost all personalities, I have been there myself. There is a natural inclination in the mind to react when faced with varied attitudes. This happens because the core identity feels threatened by the negative connotations that others want to impose on us. At the end of the day, it is a mechanism of survival and proving our points.

It is not fair at all when people with negative intent make us feel hostages of their ideas, rules and assumptions. I see this happening in families quite frequently. Nevertheless one needs to ask what makes us prisoners? Is it others or our interpretations and reactions to situations?

I choose to give chances to individuals that have a passive-aggressive style as they also wish to learn to self-regulate (inadvertently), although, I only give them maximum 3 chances depending on their conduct. It is important to not allow direct aggression from anyone, but we all desire to make this world a better place and for this particular reason we have been allowing verbal and psychological abuse from many. It is time to put an end to this insanity, and have a smarter response.

I believe in equal rights and use them in my work often. Every single person, no matter how old they are, need to be fully listened to, and their views deserve to be congruently examined against the standards of universal truth.

“Love others as you love yourself”. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love others. My advice is that we should be tolerant, patient and ready to listen to all the valid reasons and weigh the facts in light with ethical and moral values. This would reduce victimisation thinking and behavioural patterns.

This world requires a stronger and more sustained holding of moral and ethical principles in all contexts.

By Andreia Santo